hi . . . .

Integral calculus was the topic of the hour. 

but honestly, my mind was else where.

i wrote the letter "H" in a scratch paper. the realized, what am i to write with it. 

i rotated the sheet and there was the letter "I".

i was stranded there for a minute, thinking either to write "HATE" or "ILOVEü".

writing HATE would symbolize defeat and bitterness.

i do know myself that im not the most bitter person in the world nor am i planning to be one.

so not me ..

meanwhile, ILOVEü means that im still stupid and i haven't learned anything yet.

that is so impossible to miss.

then i solved my dilemma by writing I next to H.

Hi 

i realized, it's not good to go under confusion. 

the best thing you should do is try to open another option if both choices are not for you to take.

to me right now, it's so hard to say Hi when the thing you want is already saying goodbye.

i cant believe how broken i am right now. 

i need options.

things are actually coming to me clearly but i have to this one by one.

so hard to breathe right now.

[ i will survive :( ]

what is ...

alam mo ba ung feeling na dahil sa maliit na bagay na tinanggi mong sagutin ng totoo noon, nagsasuffer ka ngayon ?

well, dahil na rin siguro sa pride ko kaya hindi ko nagawang aminin .. kahit ngayon eh ..

may mga bagay kasi minsan na mas magandang hinahayaan na lang natin kesa naman sa masyado nating ginagalaw ..

LET IT BE .. ika nga eh

right now .. i am in a stage of confusion because of what i've done ..

someone really special to me is about to leave me any time of the day .. not saying that there is something wrong but there is something more to hold on other than what you have right now.

sabe nila, if love someone, you have to set them free .. and if they fell free with you ..then so be it ..

loving someone is one of the hardest and the easiest way to do .. you get the chance of falling in love, have some fights, greet each other good morning, and many many more ..

quite easy but quite complicated as well ..

everybody is related, Everybody is connected with this .. not only me, not only my family and friends but EVERYBODY ELSE .. 

haist .. some life we got here .. LIVE IT HAPPY and fall in love ! ! !

when you love them .. you would simply love them

minsan, nagtataka tayo bakit may mga taong martir pagdating sa love ..

isang bagay kasi na hindi natin alam , ay ung panu sila magmahal ..

minsan kasi, hindi natin naiintindihan yung nararmdaman nila .. kahit na sabihin pa nating "napagdaanan ko na yan"

may mga bagay pa rin na sadyang maiiba sa kung anong naranasan natin, tama ?

kaya nga iba iba ang tao eh ..

sakin kasi, kahit ako, tinatanung ko sarili ko, " bakit ba hanggang ngayon, mas minamahal ko sya ? kahit naman na alam ko na hindi naman talaga kami magtatagal .. na para bang naging panakip butas pa ko .. bakit mahal ko pa rin sya ?"

isang bagay na natutunan ko, SADYANG MAHAL KO UNG TAO ..

hindi ko alam kung bakit pero talagang ganun eh ..

masaya kasi ako kahit papanu .. pero konti konti ng nawawala kasi it's almost over .

haha .. funny noh ! ! hindi naman kami nagaaway pero talagang matatapos kung ano ang dapat tapusin ..

parang kaming dlawa lang .. halos lahat ng tao na nakakaalam samin, feel nila, "magtatagal toh .. sayang yan pag naghiwalay"

kahit naman ako, ganun din ang pakiramdam ko .. pero, sa ganitong sitwasyon, mas alam ko kung ano ung mga nangyayare samen ..

sadyang matatapos na kung anong meron talaga samen ..

who knows na lang kung masisimulan namin toh ulet ..

one thing nga pala, hindi naman din kasi KAME .. but we treat each other even more than that ..

so sad pero .. talagang ganun eh ..

naghihintay na nga lang ako eh .. hindi naman sa minamadali ko pero sadyang hinahanda ko lang ung sarili ko sa lahat ng pwedeng mangyari ..

nakakalungkot eh .. pero, after nito .. sure as hell, magiging MAS OK ako ..

that's life .. we simply LET IT BE ..

para sa mga nakakarelate dyan .. "kalma lang tayo .. maaayos din yan .. hahaha .. we'll get the things we deserve .. i promise that :) "

nitezzz to oll :)

i hide what i need to hide ..

do you know what it feels to be a "PANAKIP BUTAS" ?

well, kung hindi, IT'S PAINFUL. mas lalo na kung talagang seryoso mong minahal ung tao. then somehow, maririnig mo sakanya na mahal pa nya ung XGF nya na para bang wala ka lang para sakanya. 

ansakit noh ... then you'd be there listening to his stories, dreamy eyed. ung feeling na gusto mong umiyak pero hindi mo magawa kasi ayaw mong makita ka nyang umiiyak ?

GOSHNESS .. how heavy that time was. buti na lang kinaya ko yun .. minsan kasi, kelangan mo na lang makinig eh .. kasi wala ka naman talagang karapatan para magreklamo .. hindi naman kayo eh .. wala naman kayong relasyon ..

sometimes, it's better to just let yourself eat your own sufferings .. para naman wala ng maapektuhan .. mabuti ng meh isang masaya, kesa naman parehas kayung nagsasuffer diba ..

hay .. buhay nga naman .. kapag meron ka ng magandang bagay, lahat maaakit .. and ang trabaho mo is was hayaang mawala pa ung bagay na nasayo na .. eh panu naman kung ung bagay na un mismo ang sadyang naakit na ng iba ..

well, wala ka ng magagawa kundi hayaan na lang yun .. kasi IT'S THE RIGHT THING TO DO ..

haist .. i just wanna see him happy .. knowing how sentimental he is, he will not, EVER NOT, let go of something that important. and somehow, it hurts to say na, WALA KANG PANAMA DUN.

kahit ganu kang kasweet, understanding .. wala pa rin .. he would hold on to something na mas importante kumpara sayo ..

honestly .. siguro, i should blame myself for this .. why ?

kasi .. i told him something before na hindi totoo, though i know it's something na dapat tinago ko from him, i still lied. and now, im facing the consequences.

haist .. sad to say, mas makikilala mo ang ato kung alam mo kung anu ang dapat sabihin .. something that i learned from this experience.

anyway .. i guest some good things are meant to end .. hindi naman kasi pwede na lagi kang meron .. kelangan mo ring mawalan para malaman mo kung ano ba ang dapat na para sayo ..

life is life .. and we simply let it be :)

i will survive .. i've been through worse .. i guess, makakayanan ko rin tong lampasan :)

lots of luck for me .. and heaven'sblessing ..

gudnite for now :)

i waited for pain and it did not come for me

"have you ever felt that there is something missing ? something lost ? something incomplete ? you can't tell if it's missing or simply undiscovered".

things are coming strong and still you can't feel anything but sympathy to those who are affected with much pain and sorrow. and now the current is on your way, still you'd stand and let it flow without feeling much about it.

not knowing what you're capable of, you simply decided to let the current blow you from where you're standing. 

as time passes, you realize how easy the flow was. you let your guard down and caught every thing there was to be caught. AND YOU WERE AS WELL, WAS CAUGHT BY IT.

at that time, you didn't know what to do. it was your first yet you're uneducated about it. 

with that, you made mistakes, you cursed those who murdered your innocence and cried yourself to sleep. you promised to never do the same way that you did. 

it stoned your heart thinking it would save you from pain and flood of tears. not knowing that fate, once again, planned to strike back, testing your strength.

with things moving on the same pace, fate would strike catching you off guard. and it did. 

this time, it felt hot, rough and even harder than before. you wished for it to just fade and be gone for the hell of it. but it's just there already. something you can't stop.

no matter how many turns you take, you'd still find yourself facing the same end or better yet, the same START. it's a crazy maze. you're already lost with its mysterious and risky turns yet you found someone to be lost with. 

someone to be happy, to be sad and angry with every wrong turn you make.  someone to laugh with and to cherish every night and day. 

" i just wish that it didn't happen to me with someone so complex and yet he could turn things into something quite simple."

-- there are things that you wouldn't understand but i trust, with all my heart that every bit of word is true as a diamond and as clear as a crystal...